Here’s why men and women cheat: A biological explanation

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Why do women cheat in their relationships?  This conversation gives tremendous insights.  The experts on the panel say that men and women have biological reasons for cheating and also a set of biological reasons for reacting the way they do.  A lot of people believe that men and women are the same, should want the same things and behave the same, but these scientists say that they are not.

One thing that happens to a man when he cheats is that he feels “alive again” when he meets a strange woman that he’s attracted to.   This is because his testosterone is reduced when he is in a relationship because it must be replaced by the bonding chemical, Oxytocin.

For women, their testosterone levels have gone up due to their increased presence in the workforce.  When testosterone increases, it lowers oxytocin levels in women as well as men, making the woman less committed to her partner.   Women can then become extremely excited about men who are not available to them, and unexcited about the man who is waiting at home.

Here’s more:

Let’s talk about cheating. Nobody ever talks about the proverbial elephant in the room of “why women cheat”. Is it the same as men? Are there different reasons? Are they searching for some illusive orgasm or some great experience? What’s going on there?

Well I want to say that women cheat for a lot of the same reasons men cheat. I think that there are some illusions in our society that women always cheat for emotional reasons and men always cheat for sex. I don’t think that’s true. Men cheat for emotional reasons and women cheat for sex. It happens both ways. I think that there’s some cliches in our culture that women only cheat because they are emotionally needy or because,forgive me but sluts. That’s what we treat them like. I don’t think that that’s true. I think there’s a lot of work that has to be done. Frankly the rates of infidelity are about the same for men and women. In my book the New Monogamy, I talk about how infidelity affects men just the way it affects women. In order to recover from infidelity I think we have to take a good look at that.

Guest 1:     Well what I see is when I look at the actual biology of men and women there is a difference. The difference for men is when a man loves his wife, when he bonds with her, Oxytocin goes up. That lowers his testosterone. If he doesn’t have strong testosterone he can’t stay turned on to her. If it’s a strange woman that he doesn’t love, or a new woman, a different woman he doesn’t know, if he has low testosterone he can experience immediate arousal so he feels alive again.

Watch more in the video below:

 

17 Comments

  1. There is no excuse for cheating whether you are male or female. What you do with the person you’re cheating with do it with your partner. If your relationship is so bad that it cannot be mended then divorce if married an move on.

    • This is so true. If people are so unhappy that they feel the need to have an affair, why not explain that their spouses and let them decide if they want to be in that kind of relationship. Nine times out of ten their spouses will not want to stay in the marriage. The cheating spousea know this. They just want their cake and eat it too, as the saying goes.

  2. Men and women cheat because they want to cheat. We are hard wired to do a lot of things that we know are wrong and no amount of science can explain away our knowing the difference between right and wrong. The same people who cheat on their spouses will lose their minds when they are cheated on. The truth is cheating has less to do with biology and a whole lot to do with selfishness.

  3. Lol! You guys rationale is Pathetic! Ppl always say if your going to cheat, just leave or get a divorce. Obviously, the ppl responding to this are neither married nor in a relationship going towards marriage. In reality, your not gonna throw your relationship away over a screw if you get caught. Lets be real! You might be hurt but nobody’s divorces over getting caught once or twice. If your partner gets disrespectful towards you & just do whatever then you’ll divorce or leave. Divorces are expensive & most folks just don’t throw it away over a Fuck! Sometimes You have to look at the “cause” of the cheating like you guys not screwing at home, somebody gets sick or your just not good enough in bed! Realize woman marry for security 1st and sex 2nd while men marry for sex 1st. Get your facts correct before speaking on things you don’t really have a grasp on. Read Leo Garrett’s books relationshipCPR & It may help y’all get your head out the clouds about relationships.

  4. This article is stupid promotion of family disentegratin, pure foolishness. Divorce is the better option not justification of free”ff king and perpetual lying. You fooled no one with this dumb post despite your so- called e-perts in this day of HIV anw Ebola!

  5. Good article. I cheated on my wife and she suspected me. Saw a text msg and that was it. I cheated cos i felt a disconnect btw us. Didnt find her attractive and supportive and she probably felt the same way too.
    I retraced my steps and apologized. Hoping to get things back together. I got back from home from work one day and she wasn’t there. 3 days later, I got a call from her that she had moved to the US for her masters, living me and our two sons (3yrs & 1yr old) back in Nigeria. Sad & painful and I still made efforts to support her though I didn’t have a clue she was gonna travel. Still hoping we could make it work and taking the blame for her move.
    2weeks later I get n email from a strange woman, Stating my wife had run off with her husband to the US. We exchange numbers and spoke and discovered my wife has been in an affair with this womans husband for over a year. Her husband also disappeared living behind his 2 kids as well behind without saying a word.
    They both had it planned out and abandoned both their kids and spouses respectively.
    I went through depression but thank God I am out of it. I have been bonding with my sons for 6 months now and telling them lies bout their mum that she will be home soon.
    We havent spoken since that first call.
    I am currently processing divorce papers and hoping I win custody of my boys.

  6. Where is the cultural context in this discussion ? Remember we were forced into this culture! Let’s start there and then move forward about discussions for healing & solutions ! Right now we are talking out of a vacuum with no context,no frame of reference but animal extincts!

  7. So, basically it’s a decrease in a chemical and an increase in the same chemical in the opposite sex which cause the “cheating?” Well, here’s a suggestion sell that on the market so we can put it in our partners drink of they get to slipping or vice versa and bam, we all will be happily ever after! #YeaOk! Glad they have it all figured out after thousands of years of unhappy marriages. (Side eye
    -_-)

  8. Men and women cheat because they love sin, and they are making an appointment to go to hell, if they don’t repent and begging God for forgiveness. 1st is sad that Christians would lose their souls for a few moments of pleasure. And those of you that are not saved, it may feel really good. But he’ll is much hotter than that mate. And for the panel, you guys make me feel as though all of you are bona-fide whores. But God. God has the last word.

  9. Let me explain a few things i’ve learnt about both sexes & cheating. Let’s start from d Bible, men have this innate characteristic of not being with one woman. In d old testament, most men of God we learnt about had more than one woman, even had concubines. The new testament made it clear……take a wife, so immorality can be reduced. Men have a natural instinct to want more than one woman. Education is making women feel they have same genetic make up, thus the right to revenge if cheated on. But it’s not so! A woman’s body is sacred! A child grows in it, gets it’s spirit in it, should be kept pure. That’s y God looked for an undefiled sacred vessel to bring Christ here. Another point, men & women have never had equal rights. Education is making it seem so, but from d religious, political, historical & traditional views it has never been so. We were made differently, so also roles are different. Men to provide for the family & get ur wives respect. Women to keep d home running Proverbs 31. But most women r empowered now to be bread winners hence wanting that male role of leadership. It can never be so. When Divorce in Matthew 5:32 is allowed by d word of Christ only on infidelity, it was on d woman, we marry women, women don’t marry men. If a woman marries u as a man, u should be d woman in this context. Biologically a man can impregnate a million women, but women have only 400 eggs in a lifetime. It simply shows men have rights to more women! A man can be reproductively active till 80’s but a woman hardly survives d 40’s b4 menopause. A man can love his wife 100% & still sleep with another woman (I believe that testosterone theory), but a woman sleeps with another man, that love is cut (her emotions move her) it’s only power especially financial that makes a woman wanna ride like a guy, so I agree to an extent with this article (I gat this position in life now lemme have some fun). Sisters use your body right give it youth by it’s usage. Men guard your partner u claim u love from diseases by staying faithful. If urges of cheating comes, think of ur vows & promises and stay away from it. U can control your d!ck, it doesn’t control u, unless then u ain’t a man.,

  10. @ Henry I feel ur pain bro. There are things u don’t confess to even when caught as a head. Until you r proven guilty beyond doubt. That is y in court u always say not guilty even when. Ur confession gave her d room for her emotions to run to another man, I mean d right to revenge! Even with d text she was still processing the act, even when caught on tape people claim it’s their look alike. I’m not encouraging anything, but guyz there are things u don’t confess to keep peace. If u are married & reading this u will understand, if u r unmarried please take it as an advice. Avoid & abhor infidelity, but if it happens don’t let it repeat……d bible says, flee!

  11. jeffrey morris on

    I can tell you why men cheat. they like women, lots of them. they like varity, having sex with different women. if their wives try different things in the bedroom keep things different and exciting, maybe men wont mess around.women cheat for two reasons. their men cheat,2 they love men as much as men love women.

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